poor li'l rich girl

There’s more guilt a-coming. Boxing day brought out the shopaholic in me, and since then I’ve quickly accumulated some more super-nice (but not really all that necessary) pieces. Note the use of the word *quickly*.

Honestly, I think I fell off the bandwagon. In the last month, I have bought:
- one (1) grey cashmere-blend menswear-inspired coat (~200)
- three (3) sweaters: one cashmere APC (~180), one Isabel Marant (~180), one grey wool/cashmere blend from a local boutique (~80)
- one pair of jeans (~150)
- and one (1) pair of leather shoes (~180)
That’s $970. Just on clothing. Um, oops. Let’s not even start talking about the semi-vacation I just booked flights for…

I’m seriously considering imposing a shopping ban for the next six months. The last time I tried this, I set a ridiculous goal (I think it was something like a year and a half) and lasted about six months before I went crazy – so I know I can do it. It’ll take time and planning, and frankly I need a bit of time before it really gets going – I’m still trying to get rid of one bad habit, and I can really only do so much at a time!

I can’t believe I’ve waited this long to start blogging again. Actually, I totally can. The last month has been absolutely insane – I wrote final exams + a ridiculously long term paper, moved apartments, set up the new apartment via way too many trips to Ikea, had to take kitty to the vet a few times sans car (thank god for cabs), took care of sad sick kitty, and started school again. Winter break? HAH.

Anyway, good things have been happening, the most monumental of which is probably the fact that I quit smoking (note: I am not quitting, I havequit. This is a huge distinction for me). Yesterday was my first day sans cigarettes since my eighteenth birthday, and I’m feeling pretty good! Full disclosure – I didn’t quit cold turkey. I went and got a prescription for Zyban and it’s been working fabulously for me so far. I still crave, but it’s reassuring knowing that at this point everything’s just in my head, and even more reassuring knowing that it’s futile to run out and buy another pack given how disgusting Zyban makes them taste and smell.

A tiny part of me misses it, though. I smoked my first cigarette in Europe, when I was young, silly and wanted to be just as glamorous as the beautiful girl who offered it to me. I still remember her warning: “don’t blame me if you get addicted”, and I remember laughing her off. I didn’t become a full-blown smoker until a few years later, but that was the allure cigarettes always had for me – the hope that the next one I lit up would make me a more sultry, lovely and mysterious version of myself. I loved to smoke, I loved the reprieve it gave me from the outside world, and I loved the whole bad-gal image it gave me – until I woke up one day and realized that it was all in my head. And so I quit.

And it’s painful, even with prescription drugs. I woke up this morning desperate for my morning smoke. I get really jittery whenever I see smokers I know. I have to stop the urge to smoke after class, in between studying, after meals. I’m slowly replacing the urge with new habits, but god is it hard. But I will do it. I will because I have to, because my health is more important than a few nicotine-fueled highs, because I need to stop using the habit as a social crutch, because I refuse to feel helpless anymore.

Today was the last day of the challenge, and I am SO. GLAD. to be able to wear something other than my one pair of jeans again.

Must run, exam season looms over my head…

It’s actually exam season right now, but I’m moving into an apartment 3x the size of my current one in the next month and I’m so excited I can’t concentrate! It’ll be shared with the boy (and the cat, of course) but I’m the only one who cares about interior design so I get to do whatever I want. Bwahaha.

A few goodies I’m lusting after:

Coolest chairs ever, I’ve wanted them for years. I actually put down a deposit for two used reproductions for a RIDICULOUS price today and am picking them up after exams!

Eames dining chairs. I have two reproductions – the ones with the metal legs, not wooden ones – and would like to get two more for a FULL DINING SET.

Ugh, A bed. I’ve been sleeping on a klick-klack style sofabed for the last six months, and while it’s been comfortable and all there’s nothing like having an actual mattress to sink into every night!

My list of things for the new apartment:
- those Barcelona chairs
- a new coffee table for the living room (current coffee table goes perfectly with aforementioned chairs and will be in the bedroom)
- a bedframe, or at least Ikea slats — the boy threw out his boxspring during the last move and all he has is a mattress. I refuse to sleep on a mattress on the floor, because, um, ew mold?
- two more Eames dining chairs
- a dining table

I know that sounds like a lot of furniture, and it likely is, but most of those things on the list are actual necessities. I’ve discovered that I work better on tables than desks, and I hate crouching over a coffee table to eat, so the dining table is a must. The bedframe should be pretty self-explanatory. The extra dining chairs and Barcelona chairs I could live without, but I got the latter for a steep, steep discount and could definitely sell them for twice the price if I decided not to keep them and I’ll be waiting on the former. Oh, and that new coffee table will likely be a free/under-$10 one from Craigslist.

Now to have exams done and over with so the moving process can begin…

I bought a MacBook today, and now I feel guilty.

When I was going through the process of applying for professional school, my dad told me that he’d buy me a brand new 13.3″ Sony Vaio to replace the ten year old Compaq I had used through my entire undergrad (yes, a ten year old never-upgraded Compaq. By the end of its shelf-life I was afraid to shut it down and restart it in fear that it just wouldn’t start again, and the battery was dead long before it came into my care). I ended up with an imported Chinese 15.6″ brick and a matching netbook. The netbook’s battery died within six months, and the brick decided to start crashing on me about a month ago. Last night it informed me that there was a problem with the battery, and the whole thing started to fizzle loudly (in the library!), and within about three hours it just wouldn’t stay on anymore. I lost about 6 pages of finals notes, and promptly burst into tears (exam season is stressful ok?). Phoned friend in hysterics, got him to come to library, and he takes one look at the brick and goes “oookay, you need a new computer”.

I had been thinking about getting a new computer since… well since I got the stupid brick. And I’ve wanted an Apple computer since before high school. Say all you want about them, but they’re just so damn pretty, and everyone at school raves about how idiot-proof they are, and hey, I’m a total idiot, so Macs must therefore be perfect for me. But oh god, the sticker shock when I handed over my credit card. And between elation at my 13.3″ screen (finally!), how sleek and smooth the damn thing is, my complete and utter relief that my school notes are now safe and sound, and how OMG there’s a LION somewhere in this computer! (and for the price I paid for him, I might even be able to get him to write my exams for me..!), I’m still feeling pangs of guilt.

I think it has something to do with the fact that deep down, I know I could’ve just kept using the brick. I mean, yes, it was fizzling, but my techie friend was pretty sure that it was simply a problem with the battery and it’s likely I would’ve been able to keep using the damn thing by plugging it in 24/7 but I DIDN’T WANT TO. I was sick of ugly, unwieldy hand-me-down computers that crashed constantly and gave me constant back pain. I wanted the computer of my dreams, and I knew I wouldn’t be happy getting anything else. And so I just went for it.

Was buying my new Macbook worth it? I don’t know. On one hand, it’s a relief knowing I won’t have any lost assignments in the near future. On the other, I feel like the worst kind of consumerist – I feel like a compulsive buyer. And I don’t know how to reconcile those two emotions.